+852 2575 7707 drmelanie@mindmatters.hk

Building Confidence

Building confidence

Many clients think if they were more confident their career potential would improve greatly and their personal and social life would be far more satisfying and fun.

This may well be true as they would feel far better about themselves and therefore extend themselves more across a variety of situations.

My solution for building confidence is not difficult but also not comfortable; be willing to make mistakes.

Think about it. Whatever you do well now, there was a time when you didn’t. But you persisted until you became confident at it.

If it is something you learned as a child, you were free of exactly the self-conscious concepts that are undoubtably holding you back now.
•Perhaps you are holding some of these commonly held beliefs about making mistakes:
•Mistakes means failing and must be avoided.
•Making mistakes means I am stupid; others will think I am stupid; they will laugh at me
•Making mistakes means I am really a closet idiot, no matter what my position
•I will feel bad about it and must beat myself up for a long time
•I had a bad experience in the past and must protect myself

Actually, a mistake is merely an opportunity to do (whatever) differently next time. Mistakes grow you, shaping your character as you meet challenges with persistence.

When the fearful voice in your head starts playing old tapes about your ‘limitations’, hindering you from focusing away from yourself and onto the present moments activity, change the voice to Donald Duck and get on with the task at hand.

Really, the more mistakes you, the more you will learn, and the more confident you will become.

I hope this has been helpful to you.

Your comments or questions are most welcome.

What is the difference between positive stress and negative stress?

Answer: Interpretation

Really, the ‘stressful’ situation, interaction or occurrence does not come with evaluation or judgment written on it; we supply that.

How we view or evaluate a circumstance triggers a cascade of mental, emotional and physiological responses that influence how we react on multiple levels in the short and medium term.

When we take our rapid interpretations as truth in the universe, we forfeit choices in how we could react if we didn’t respond so quickly. It would be helpful to consider our initial thoughts and feeling responses as a ‘speed bump’, reminding us to slow down and reconsider how else we could react. This does take practice, but is so worth the effort.

We are more likely to accept ‘positive’ stress when it is associated with an outcome we value, such as landing a new job, studying for a difficult exam, planning a wedding, having a baby, or relocating out of choice. Such stress is more likely to be viewed as normal and managed flexibly.

Conversely, we tend to evaluate undesirable outcomes, such as an unexpected job loss, illness, infidelity or divorce as highly undesirable ‘negative’ stress. In such circumstances if we focus only on the fearful, painful or depressing aspects of the situation, our negative beliefs are compounded.

Such types of interpretations leading to emotional stress lasting weeks or more can weaken the immune system, increase blood pressure, generate anxiety, depression and contribute to heart problems. Attributing such undesirable situations or outcomes to deficiencies in ourselves that are relatively fixed will intensify our negative beliefs and sense of powerlessness. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Many situations are indeed difficult and call for thoughtful consideration, emotional balance and creative responses. Accepting our knee-jerk interpretations can severely hamper such adaptive responses.

If you are having difficulty managing trying situations, do consider contacting me on +852 2575 7707 or via this link.